What are you wanting - advice

The 'S' Word Dating Advice

What are you wanting?

It occurred to me the other day when a friend of mine called me up and asked for advice about online dating; she knew I was the one to ask as I have done if off and on over the years. After giving her the advice I thought about it and realised I too was clueless at one point and that many would be clueless, sparking my realisation that I now know a lot about this subject.


With this dating advice blogs, we at The 'S' Word would love to receive questions regarding dating. No matter the question relating we would like to hear from them and post anonymously with our advice attached. It doesn’t have to be online dating because let’s face it; we meet people in so many ways than just online. The advice we are sharing with you is just that if you wish to give it a try then do so; sometimes our opinion won't suit all of you or maybe just parts of the advice will. Take as much or as little of what we have to say on dating and apply it to your personal life if you wish. Don’t forget to read a previous post about online dating from not that long ago. 

So let’s start the first bit of advice with my friend’s question. She asked if it was too soon to start sexual talk with a guy that she had only been speaking to for just three days. I asked her a series of question “what are you looking for on the sites?” her reply was companionship mainly with the bonus of sex. Further questions as to how this friendship would work and her actual reasons for been online continued till I worked out that she wanted. Friendship with a man that she got along with intellectually and could spend time together doing things such as lunch dinners or movies, when she was free from parenthood duties. In a short she would like a friendship with benefits; this is possible and can happen with the right person.

My advice consisted of; change the subject to something else away from sex. If he/she always brings it back then in my experience he/she is interested in just sex with you; I say this because he/she isn’t showing interest in you outside of the sexual or the bedroom. If your friendship or companionship is more than just sex, then this is the first thing that needs to be proven to you by their interest in you outside of the bedroom. The other advice I gave was that talk to the person you're interested in about what they are after and wanting; been upfront was the best option. No need for either party to get their wires crossed about what they want. There isn’t anything bad about been completely upfront and telling them that although yes I want sex, I also need the companionship too. Giving the other person a chance to decide if this too is what they are looking for and if not, at least, no time from either party has been wasted. 

The biggest thing to remember you can get on so well over the phone or online but you won’t ever know the truth of chemistry or attraction if you don’t meet first so meet them as soon as you can.

As I said to my friend knowing what it is you’re wanting, be honest with what you’re wanting and if you both agree then make sure you meet for the attraction/chemistry as well as connecting on an intellectual level. 

A real test to see if they are actually after just sex is to change the subject to something else and depending on how quickly they change it back to sex is your indication. I find the faster they turn it back to sex they are horny and often at that point just wanting sex. If you are ok with the man or the women approaching you in this manner then by all means, go for it. 

The first lesson in dating is to figure out what you want from the person you’re seeking out. Been honest about what you are seeking is also part of the first lesson.

Wishing you a dating success and please don’t forget to send in your opinions and questions we would love to have feedback.

Happy Valentines Day!

It's valentine’s day and I’m sitting at home in front of my computer thinking how vomiting this day can be, not only vomiting but lonely for some and sad too. Why is it this day brings us to the conclusion of feeling either loved or alone? I have married friends feeling lonely today more so today than they do any other day of the year with a few exclusions.

I wonder why it is that today is a lonely feeling day when it’s a day about love. First thing this morning I too was feeling alone, then I gave a good friend some advice. This made me go hang on, we are not alone, we are not lonely. All we need is love, let's face it we all have it in some way, you just need to see that.

Upon receiving a happy valentines day message from a male friend and returning the gesture. We chat as we usually do, I n a joking way he said he wishes I saw him other than a brother. I replied to this good friend of mine with some advice that made me stop and think about how I was already feeling on this day and that this friend was feeling the same even though he was married. How can we be alone I thought after saying this to my friend “love is love and we are lucky to have each other’s love”. My friends reply was “true” and I am so glad you're my friend. I felt love right there at that moment I no longer was alone, this love wasn’t a romantic one but it was love and I felt it.

Romantic love is overrated and isn’t always the love we need. I am lucky to have admirers from afar and admirers near they may see me as a friend, or see me as more but they are there and I should feel lucky to be surrounded by love.

I am single this valentine’s day, I didn’t get gifts, flowers, chocolates or even breakfast in bed but I did get a couple of messages from friends; male and female wishing me a happy day. I felt loved today, I felt special and I got to feel cared for, isn’t that is what Valentine ’s Day should be about?

The first time as a single person I haven’t hated on today. I haven’t spent the day angry or wishing I didn’t see people in love, I spent it feeling loved instead of unloved. I usually feel lonely on this day because I haven’t got that special someone. This year I did realise I have more than a special someone I just have it in many people instead.

So for all the single ladies and gentlemen take today as a day of appreciating all kinds of love. Show all those you love that they are loved. Take a look all around you and see you are also loved to. Love is found in many places and accepting all kinds into your heart is a wonderful way to live life and see today is about all these types of love.

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

Online Dating

Girls say, boys say!!!

So the world has shrunk and so has the access to a sexual or romantic partner. Well, it has for some of us at least, when it comes to online dating men say the same things continuously. "Women are skanks, women won't talk to me, or women think they are too good for me, women are crazy." From the woman’s perspective they say, "too many men message me, and I can’t keep up, there is no way I have the time to reply to all of them, I would need to hire help”, men either want nothing but sex or are too full on to quick, men are crazy."

Love is one of the basic needs of humanity and has become harder to find due to many choices and not enough loyalty.The desire for love is strong but the reality of it scares many people and when the opportunity arises to have something meaningful and lasting many people scamper. I often find myself attracted to emotionally unavailable people; this creates an invisible veil of protection from actually having to commit to a relationship.

Why has the modern age of connection left us so disconnected? Many people do not understand the hurt and pain that they can potentially inflict on others, often feeling as though they feel as if they are just another username tapping away on a keyboard. A connection is hard to find and when its one sided, and feelings are not expressed clearly by both parties involved confusion and hurt will be the result. Transparency and honesty are the best forms of communication.

Girls if you are getting inundated with messages from men on dating apps make a note and an apology on your profile as to why you might not reply and men if you are not replied to do not take it as a person judgement on your looks or personality.

Most people are all looking for someone that sparks interest and stirs excitement; dating should be exciting and fun. Look for spark, aim for love and remember you are communicating with people, people with needs and emotions. Be honest, be straight up about your thoughts, needs and feelings, but don’t be pushy or overbearing.

Both parties should be showing respect and being open about their intentions. If a person’s intentions do not match yours do not judge them for it simply move on to someone who’s morals and needs are a closer match to yours. It is likely that if you feel someone is not interested in you, they are most likely not. Give them space and time. If there is interest they will make it known, if not they will disappear and you will not have put in time and effort that was wasted on a train headed nowhere.  

Girls and guys be kind, be respectful and treat others how you would expect to be treated yourself.

Remember online or face to face people have feelings, and you have the potential to leave an everlasting scar.